I think I finally figured out the lesson that God is trying to teach me (lately. of course there is more than one!). That doesn't mean I've fully learned it and that problems will go away. But it does mean that I'm admitting to myself that other than my own choices, I don't have any control over anything. And even thinking about it more in these terms right now, it feels very liberating.
It feels like the boys have been waking up earlier and earlier lately. Benny has been wearing underwear to bed for quite some time and he's been doing a wonderful job of getting up whenever he needs to go to the bathroom. The trouble is, in the early morning hours, Benny will sometimes turn the bedroom light on when he goes. That, rather unfortunately, wakes Andy up. As soon as Andy wakes up, both boys think that it's day time and time to be up and play. Sometimes they stay in their room and play. Sometimes, like this morning, they make their way out into the family room and start playing (this has been around 5a or earlier). Spencer is just wonderful and this morning he got up 4 times to get them to go back to bed. I thought it was only twice - maybe three times. I was wrong.
This morning has been a bit of a hard one for me. Not because the boys are acting especially tired or bad, but because I have been letting their lack of sleep get to me. I want to figure out what I can do to fix the problem. There have been countless times I have wished I could make a child sleep. Our kids have always slept well at night. We have, however, struggled with daytime naps - particularly with Benny starting at age 2 and Andy recently.
I think the lesson I need to learn is that we are not in control. We may think that we are - and we may have moments where we feel like we are. Those are delusions. I just looked up "delusion" and it includes in the definition: "typically a symptom of mental disorder." That reminds me of the definition of insanity that I have heard often: "doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." Apparently I suffer from insanity. Knowing is half the battle, right?
In all honesty, I believe we need to know our limits. I think it's part of having low expectations. It's not about doing nothing, but taking care of what we can. Just because I have no real control over my children does not mean I should cease to instruct and implement certain consequences for certain actions. Just because I had no control over Benny and Andy throwing sand in the sandbox at our ward playgroup today doesn't mean I shouldn't enforce the consequence of removing them from that situation if they do it one more time. They did, so I got them inside. I am grateful that they weren't throwing the dirt at anyone else - or even each other - but I don't want them getting into that habit or getting sand in their eyes or others' eyes.
I think it's also important to learn that even some of the things we do have control over need to be let go. I could choose to have control over keeping my house spotless. That is something I have chosen to let go - not completely. We don't live in filth. But if I tried to always be picking up after our kids or hounding them to pick up everything right when they're done playing with it, nobody in our house would be very happy. I'm learning to adapt to my situation in life.
These lessons have come bit by bit to me and I'm grateful. This year I almost decided to make a costume for Benny. I called my sister Bethany to ask her about the costume she made for her oldest daughter that (I'm guessing) they're 6th child wore for Halloween this year. After talking to her I decided to keep things simple and I bought Benny's costume (eight bucks at Dollar General). It was wonderful. He loved being a "good" Darth Vader. What really cracks me up about it all is that we almost had to talk him into wearing his costume to the ward Trunk-or-Treat. He wanted for a while to wear what he wears his Iron Man costume: a red long-sleeved t-shirt, his blue warm-up pants, red slippers, and Spencer's Gryffindor beanie pulled down over his face. He would have been just as happy wearing that. I'm glad I didn't worry and stress over making a costume for him when it would only have negatively impacted the whole family. Some things are just not worth taking control of.
I do find it ironic - and comforting - that of the three costumes for the kids this year, the one I didn't make won a prize at Spencer's school's Halloween party. That makes three years in a row for Benny. The Max wolf suit I made two years ago won two years in a row. This year he won "Scariest" costume. I tried explaining that to him and he kept telling me he wasn't scary. He's a good Darth Vader. So, although the "pressure's on" for next year, I'll probably buy the costumes we need for next year - or start sewing in June!
I wish you could hear Benny saying "cheeeeeeeese!"
I heard that Lilia was going to win "Cutest," but they wanted to spread out the winnings.
A very cute little lion won.
She sure was a cute little monkey and everybody got a kick out of her walking around everywhere. She
loves her costume and wore it around the house a couple of afternoons looking pleased as punch!
Waiting for the judges to finish.
Oh, and I won best adult costume. I haven't dressed up for
years but I thought the kids would get a kick out of it. They loved the silly braids.
At the trunk-or-treat the adults all knew who I was but I got blank stares or "What's with the hair?" from a bunch of the kids. I guess
Pippi Longstocking is more dating than I thought...
After eating plenty of snow!
Playing around after lunch.
Lilia's getting better at "cheese!"
