I sure needed a pep talk from my mom this morning. I wrote in my journal this morning (finally! It had been over 4 months) after I got a hold of her and I thought I'd share it.
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7 October 2010
There is a lot I need to work on. Things start going really well and I start to expect more. That doesn't sound like it would be a bad thing always. I think it can be dangerous with kids, though.
On our date last month, Spencer pulled up a "conversation starter" app on his phone. One of them asked about having high or low expectations. It was kind-of funny because I got a "Well that's a no-brainer" look on my face. Then Spencer said, "High" and was going to move on. I stopped him and told him my answer was "low." We discovered we were looking at things differently. I think I do have high expectations for myself in the kind of person I am. I have high expectations for Spencer and what he can accomplish. When our kids are in school I believe I will have high expectations for them and their work and with their grades.
However, in working with little kids day in and day our for some time, I have learned more than once -- and sometimes the hard way -- that it is incredibly important to lower expectations. I need to remember this lesson more often because I think it could save me from learning it again the hard way.
I think that I get good at lowering my expectations for a while. I even get good about adding things to our lives that, really, are like -- not the icing on the cake because, let's face it, I really don't like cake without the icing -- that extra taste of chocolate trifle -- just wonderful, but not necessary after the helping you just had. I get good at these things that after a while, I begin to expect these things as the norm. And when they don't happen as a normal course, I get hard on myself and wonder why I'm not able to do better.
I have definitely had many days where I have felt that I succeeded because we all survived the day. I have joked about that many times, also. I think, though, that I have created a problem for myself. Not because of what I expect of myself, but because of what I think others expect of me. Let's not start on the number of things that are wrong with that idea.
The Lord gives each of us our own challenges and it's up to us to find the best way of dealing with those. The best way meaning the Lord's way. Otherwise we will continue to be given opportunities to learn -- the hard way.
I'm trying to remember that God has given me certain challenges and I am supposed to do things my way, which I am trying hard to make the Lord's way (turning my will to his, not the other way around) -- not anybody else's way, no matter how enticing it may look from the outside. They have their own challenges and are adapting their own lives to their own situation.
I am recommitting myself to keeping my expectations low for what we do each day. The essentials will be met -- and that may change each day. We may watch a movie every day. We may watch two some days. Some days we may even watch three. I just don't know. I will work to be a good mom. I want to be a nice and happy mom. That is what my kids need. That is what I want to give them. I'm sure we'll still go to the library, the zoo, the aquarium. But if we don't happen to make it when I think it would be ideal, that's okay. Those things will all still be there later. I'm also sure there will be days like Tuesday when I'm tired and don't want to do anything, but I'll push myself to get out with the kids because they need it. And it will be great.
If I can remember to keep my expectations lowered effectively and appropriately, we may all just be in for a great life together. I'm looking forward to it with my wonderful Spencer and our wonderful kids.
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I'll finish up with some pictures from the backyard picnic we had for lunch today.
She loves being outside.
The boys love playing with their toys on the window ledge. Benny had Veronica, the hippo, and Andy with his dinosaurs.
Prince Phillip (still - and maybe forever)
Benny and Veronica.I can't believe how much he's growing up these days.
My attempt at a group shot. Ohh, well. They're still cuties.
6 comments:
thanks for posting this. i'm feeling a great need to get back to basics--i let a lot slide in the summer, but now i need some better structure. it's time for bread instead of cake, as it were.
Once again, a great inspiring post. You say the things that others are thinking, or what they want to think... thanks for that!
I'm so glad that you would share this! Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by social pressures. I know that may sound weird, but our ward here is over the top as far as extra social activities that people are just getting together to do...seriously several times a week for 'girls night out' etc.
I very rarely go, which of course leaves me feeling left out sometimes, but I feel like I have enough 'basics' on my plate, that I need to do better at just getting those simple things done, and just enjoy being with my family in simplicity...not in rush from one thing to the next and trying to accomplish so many things that really aren't important.
Thanks for sharing.
p.s. I love the backyard picnic, I think it's the only way I want to have picnics since the kids actually eat and it's so much less of a headache for me!
Great post! I too end up feeling like a failure because I set my expectations too high. Good advice.
Very good reminder! Thanks for sharing! Your kids are so cute!
Thought I'd check in and I'm glad I did. This was a great post. I read it to Anthony and he laughed because it sounds so much like me. I guess we all go through it. It makes you wonder how we got through our childhoods without knowing our mother's were happy just to survive some days!
I can't believe how old Benny is. How are these boys growing up so fast?
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