Overheard

Benny: After this baby we'll have another baby girl and then a baby boy. On Halloween.

He did clarify that baby boy would be born on some Halloween. Not this one. Glad he's got a plan for our family! And glad that he likes babies.

By the way, it's a girl!

The pep talk I needed

I sure needed a pep talk from my mom this morning. I wrote in my journal this morning (finally! It had been over 4 months) after I got a hold of her and I thought I'd share it.

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7 October 2010
There is a lot I need to work on. Things start going really well and I start to expect more. That doesn't sound like it would be a bad thing always. I think it can be dangerous with kids, though.

On our date last month, Spencer pulled up a "conversation starter" app on his phone. One of them asked about having high or low expectations. It was kind-of funny because I got a "Well that's a no-brainer" look on my face. Then Spencer said, "High" and was going to move on. I stopped him and told him my answer was "low." We discovered we were looking at things differently. I think I do have high expectations for myself in the kind of person I am. I have high expectations for Spencer and what he can accomplish. When our kids are in school I believe I will have high expectations for them and their work and with their grades.

However, in working with little kids day in and day our for some time, I have learned more than once -- and sometimes the hard way -- that it is incredibly important to lower expectations. I need to remember this lesson more often because I think it could save me from learning it again the hard way.

I think that I get good at lowering my expectations for a while. I even get good about adding things to our lives that, really, are like -- not the icing on the cake because, let's face it, I really don't like cake without the icing -- that extra taste of chocolate trifle -- just wonderful, but not necessary after the helping you just had. I get good at these things that after a while, I begin to expect these things as the norm. And when they don't happen as a normal course, I get hard on myself and wonder why I'm not able to do better.

I have definitely had many days where I have felt that I succeeded because we all survived the day. I have joked about that many times, also. I think, though, that I have created a problem for myself. Not because of what I expect of myself, but because of what I think others expect of me. Let's not start on the number of things that are wrong with that idea.

The Lord gives each of us our own challenges and it's up to us to find the best way of dealing with those. The best way meaning the Lord's way. Otherwise we will continue to be given opportunities to learn -- the hard way.

I'm trying to remember that God has given me certain challenges and I am supposed to do things my way, which I am trying hard to make the Lord's way (turning my will to his, not the other way around) -- not anybody else's way, no matter how enticing it may look from the outside. They have their own challenges and are adapting their own lives to their own situation.

I am recommitting myself to keeping my expectations low for what we do each day. The essentials will be met -- and that may change each day. We may watch a movie every day. We may watch two some days. Some days we may even watch three. I just don't know. I will work to be a good mom. I want to be a nice and happy mom. That is what my kids need. That is what I want to give them. I'm sure we'll still go to the library, the zoo, the aquarium. But if we don't happen to make it when I think it would be ideal, that's okay. Those things will all still be there later. I'm also sure there will be days like Tuesday when I'm tired and don't want to do anything, but I'll push myself to get out with the kids because they need it. And it will be great.

If I can remember to keep my expectations lowered effectively and appropriately, we may all just be in for a great life together. I'm looking forward to it with my wonderful Spencer and our wonderful kids.
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I'll finish up with some pictures from the backyard picnic we had for lunch today.

She loves being outside.


The boys love playing with their toys on the window ledge. Benny had Veronica, the hippo, and Andy with his dinosaurs.


Prince Phillip (still - and maybe forever)




Benny and Veronica.
I can't believe how much he's growing up these days.


My attempt at a group shot. Ohh, well. They're still cuties.

Overheard (variation) and the Tulsa State Fair (updated)

Woman (walking into the fair with husband and one or two kids while I leave the fair with three kids): That looks stressful.

Honestly, I thought about this one for a little bit. I thought at first, "You're telling me." And then I really thought about how I was feeling. Tired, yes. Exhausted, even. Sore, definitely. Stressed, not really.

I also thought that I much prefer the comments I get from the grandmas and great-grandmas at the grocery store: "These are the best days of your life," "It may not feel like it, but you'll miss it when they grow up," etc. I love the attitude conveyed by these types of comments. Yes, there are times I feel stressed. I have found, however, that when I start to feel stressed, it is usually because I have created it for myself and not because of Heavenly Father.

I am so grateful for my children. I am grateful for the blessing of realizing that with most of life, we do things because that is what is required. It's so much about becoming less selfish. Things get hard when we don't get what we want. If we can adjust what we want to what the Lord wants, life gets that much easier. I am grateful that an outing alone with my kids does not cause me stress.


All that said, I did have to gear myself up for our trip to the fair yesterday. I had been saying for a while that I wanted to go with the kids. I knew that Spencer's schedule wouldn't allow for us all going together (he's on his surgery month) at a time that wasn't insanely crowded (after school hours or the weekend). I talked to a few friends to see if anybody wanted to come with us and, no, that didn't work. I wasn't sure I wanted to tackle that even with our three kids and being pregnant. I called my mom to get motivation. It worked.

Since the kids are all under 5 I didn't have to pay for them. An $8 investment is not all that much, so I thought we'll go, look around a bit, maybe splurge on fair food for lunch, and head home. We went first to the birthing center and saw some kids (baby goats) that were just days old. There were also some (lots of) piglets lined up eating or sleeping next to the mama pig. Then we went into the petting zoo (same building). The kids had a great time. I got $1 food cup and then benefited from a family's leftover family-size food cup. Benny loved feeding all the animals and will tell you that "It tickles" when an animal eats from your hand. After the first couple times, he stuck with the little shovels provided for feeding. Andy, surprisingly, wanted nothing to do with feeding the animals. Lilia, however, would have loved feeding herself with the animal food had she been able to succeed in getting the cup from me. Benny kept saying that he thought certain animals looked hungry. One goat came for seconds and Benny told him, "You already ate." We all had a great time.

Honestly, we didn't do much else. We went into the 4H pavilion and saw the displays of several of the 4H clubs from the surrounding areas. The boys liked seeing some race cars and painted pumpkins that were in there. After some more goats and pigs Andy told me his legs were tired and Benny said his feet were tired. I was going to get some lunch - I'll tell you, I was torn between the fresh lemonade or the cherry limeade I saw and only faintly tempted by the deep fried twinkie. Unfortunately I didn't really plan ahead and I didn't have the cash and I was unwilling to pay a fortune in fees to use the ATMs available. The boys made it to the car and made do with a bagel I split between them. Lilia got a piece of bread I had packed. The boys got to enjoy corn dogs from our freezer. Not exactly the fair fare I was planning on, but they were happy. We'll have to try again next year - when there are four kids to tote along!

This may have seemed pretty disjointed, but I'm grateful that we went and I'm grateful for all that I have. I'm especially grateful for all the things I have learned.

One of the hardest things with all the kids when it's just me is taking pictures. It's hard to keep everything together while clicking away on the camera. I'm guessing that just takes practice. I'll just have to get out more. Here are some pictures I did get.

All ready to go in!

In the birthing center.
The bright spot above Benny's left wrist is the eye of a little lamb - born within the last few days.

The new little chicks.

Even Lilia loved seeing them hop around.

This one came right up to the window just hopping around.

Love the horns on the highland cattle (I'm pretty sure that's what it is).

And here are pictures I borrowed from Amuse Matte of our time at the fair.

Entering the gate.


On our way to check out all the over-priced food.


Headed out to the car.