Excuse my soapbox.

"It'll pay off later."
"Just wait and it will all be worth it."

I have heard any number of variations of the above countless times. Frankly, I'm a little sick of it.

Spencer and I started medical school on purpose. We both knew that this is the direction we needed to go. That God wanted us to go. This road is not for everyone. And, yes, I believe (as others who warned us before we started) that if you are not absolutely certain that you should go to medical school (or that your spouse should go), you really shouldn't. However, I also believe that no road is for everyone (except for that of the gospel of Jesus Chris of Latter-day Saints - you can find more about that here and here.). Not everyone should do the same thing with their life. We can't all be doctors. We can't all be mothers. We can't all be mechanics. You get the point.

When we first moved here for Spencer to go to school I was caught in the trap of thinking that this huge sacrifice we were making would all be worth it some day. I worked at surviving each day with our boys until Spencer came home each night. If I could just make it until after the next test: physiology, pharmacology, anatomy, neuroanatomy - oh, how not fun neuroanatomy was. If I could just make it until Sunday, Thanksgiving, Christmas break, (our last ever) Summer break. It wasn't fun to live like that. Sure, there were fun times. I did take a lot of pictures then and I just love all that time I had with the boys. I'm so glad I can look back on it.

I started following a doctor wives blog. It seemed like a safe haven to associate with others going through the same things and to help each other through some hard times. There were definitely some useful things shared there, but I began to realize that it wasn't really a place to be uplifted and helped through the hard times. It started to seem more and more like a place to wallow in misery and for others to either commiserate with you or tell you how what they were experiencing was worse. In all reality, it probably wasn't as bad as I'm describing it, but I didn't feel like it was all that uplifting and I stopped following.

Through other experiences I was having I learned that no matter who you are and what you're experiencing, if you are working hard to live your life in a way that is pleasing to God, you will learn the lessons needed to draw closer to Christ. I was so grateful for this revelation. It gave me a greater understanding of what it means to be brothers and sisters in the gospel. It's not just a common ground for people in the same church; this was something that can truly help me connect with others who are working to always be better and to overcome the natural man.

Everyone experiences challenges. We're supposed to. If the things we're doing aren't challenging, we cannot grow in the ways we need to. And it's okay for things to be hard. And it's okay to complain. Nowhere in the scriptures does it say we can't complain. Yes, we are instructed to put things into perspective, but I can't recall a place where Christ says that we haven't had it as bad as He did, so we have no room to talk. The point is that Christ can truly empathize with whatever it is we are experiencing because He understands how hard it is. If we are truly working to become like Christ, it is for us to respond in a similar way. It's not about one-upping others with how hard our lives are and bemoaning the fact that "no one" can understand unless he/she has been through it. It's about - even if what we have experienced seems "harder" - understanding and offering support to others in hard situations.

My mom reminded me recently of something Elder Neal A. Maxwell said in a BYU devotional years ago: "We must remember that, while the Lord reminded the Prophet Joseph Smith that he had not yet suffered as Job, only the Lord can compare crosses!" (Find the whole speech here.)

This may seem to have ended up in a different place than I began. I think it's connected. If we live our lives complaining about whatever is going on, we're never going to get to the point that "it's all worth it." Quite frankly, if we're living right, there will always be challenges and struggles. That's the only way to become like our Savior. I don't want to sound trite, but I love what Professor Harold Hill says in The Music Man: "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays." That was quoted by President Thomas S. Monson who went on to say: "My brothers and sisters, there is no tomorrow to remember if we don't do something today" (Read his whole speech here.).

I am working hard to enjoy where we are in life. Yes, I know we're in the middle of a long road toward becoming a doctor; we are, however, well on our way in our life as a couple, as a family, and as individuals. I am working to make each day my reward for the hard work I continue to do. I am happy. Life is hard and life is wonderful.

End rant.

Honestly, though, who couldn't enjoy life every day with these wonderful kids?

Saturday before bed.

Today enjoying our beautiful weather.
We miss Benny when he's at school.

Lately and comparisons.

Spencer's been gone quite a bit lately. We finished up his rural rotation with him spending the night at home 4 nights out of the last 11 in March (and I just realized he won't step foot in our house at all for the month of April). He was really only home for the weekend, though. Wednesday, 30 March he got home at 5p and the kids and I took him to the airport the next morning at about 7a to fly to Salt Lake for his first PM&R rotation at the University of Utah. He'll be there the whole month. This Thursday night my dad will fly out here to drive back with us starting early Friday morning. I don't think I've ever been looking more forward to a road trip in my life. I am really looking forward to spending some time with Spencer. I know this isn't going to be a vacation, and we're only going to have one weekend together (he's flying down to AZ for a conference one of the weekends we'll be there), but we'll have our evenings at least!

We've been trying to keep busy while Spencer's been gone. Between visiting teaching, doctor visits, a trip to the zoo with some friends, and spending three of four general conference sessions at a friend's house (whose husband also happens to be out of town right now), we've done pretty well.

Some pictures.

On our way to enjoy BYU play in the Sweet Sixteen.


Andy's been having fun building more things.
Showing off his airplane.


This is the closest we've ever seen the cheetah.




Lilia enjoyed the most freedom she's ever had at the zoo. She was barely buckled into the stroller and had a great time wandering around. And she loved the playground.


I could take pictures of this little girl all day!






Just tonight.



And I think I may be mistaken, but when I first took Anne's picture I thought she looked just like Lilia. Now, the more I look at them I think they look quite different.
What do you think?

2 miles and other stuff

Life has been going really well. Anne is such a good baby and we've all been adjusting well. The kids all love her and want to have their turn holding her as often as possible. Lilia's request might be my favorite because she holds both her hands up gesturing "come here" with all her fingers while saying "Baby, baby." She loves "Baby Anne." She started out saying "Baby Aaahh" and is now really good about her 'n' sound. Both are cute, but crazy to see how fast she's growing up and to hear how fast she's improving with her words. Sometimes it feels like life just goes too fast.

So far I've only had one outing with all four kids by myself. On Tuesday a friend invited us to join her at IHOP for their free short stacks on national pancake day. I almost didn't, but I'm really glad we did. Walking in was the best. I had Anne's car seat over my right arm. I held Lilia's right hand with my left and told Andy to hold onto Lilia's left hand. Benny didn't want to be left out and asked whose hand he could hold. Andy held out his free hand and we all walked in together. It was pretty cute.

Spencer started his rural rotation this month. He's in Vian, OK. It's about 75 minutes Southeast of Tulsa. Not too bad at all, but too far to commute every day. He's working with a wonderful doctor who is hosting him for the nights he's staying there. He's already had a nice time visiting with him and his wife. They're very nice people. Every Thursday is off so Spencer can come home Wednesday when he's done and stay until early Friday. We'll be living without him early Monday morning until he comes home on Wednesday. Not nearly as bad as it could be, so I'm thrilled. It should be a really interesting month. We're looking forward to it.

This morning with Spencer home I had a perfect opportunity to go out walking! I went two miles and feel quite good. I'm looking forward to getting back into some regular exercise. I think this is the most excited I've been after any pregnancy to get back exercising and into good shape. I'm really looking forward to it. It was a nice beginning this morning.

Some pictures of some recent goings on:

I took some pictures of Anne this morning.

The beginning of a smile. It got bigger, but I love the crooked look her face has.


Lilia and her second favorite thing to do with her sister.
Her favorite thing is holding her and kissing her repeatedly.


Also Andy's second favorite.
I think his favorite would have to be tickling her toes.


Andy wanted to take some pictures, too.

A very artistic approach.


More of mine.

Anne has had a strong neck from the beginning. While in the hospital I watched her pick her head up to turn to the other side.
Yes, I even had her sleeping on her stomach at the hospital. It's what she likes.





At the beginning of this week one of the boys asked to be a lion. And, of course, the other wanted the same thing. The final product.

Andy, not surprisingly, wanted a "roaring" mouth. Benny, also not surprisingly, a smiling one.


After her nap Lilia grabbed an empty bag and started running around with it over her head. I tried making it a little safer by giving her some "eyes." She didn't really want to be in the picture.

Andy enjoying the bubbles he got from a birthday party he went to.
I look at this picture and just can't believe how big he's getting!




Benny is getting much more independent these days and enjoys "taking care of myself."
Here he is working on making sandwiches for yesterday's lunch.
When I started taking pictures he asked me to take pictures in the family room. I'm pretty sure it's because he didn't want me to know he was occasionally licking the peanut butter knife. The peanut butter around his mouth is what tipped me off. That and Benny telling me he really likes peanut butter. :)
This morning Benny asked me to show him how to start the dryer so he can do it on his own now. We're entering a very independent stage with him now.


Lilia requested this picture be taken. This is her "cheese."
We're working on it.


Andy wearing his "Penguin Costume." He loves wearing this sweater and always wears the hood to be a penguin. Not sure where that came from, but he loves it.

overheard

benny (while spencer was stretching lilia's neck and she was fussing a little): it's okay, lilia. daddy's a doctor in training.

clarification from spencer - he was "treating her (very mild) torticollis"

overheard

spencer: (getting frustrated) it's okay, i am a doctor in training!

benny: you're not a doctor yet. you're a daddy!

it's official!

spencer is now an ms-ii (second-year med student). we all survived!
we've had a great first day with him home. he took care of the boys while i got to go out for about 45 minutes walking (about 20 minutes longer than usual) around different parts of the area we're in (a couple of times i really didn't know where i was and just kept walking in the general direction of home). then i came home to a waffle breakfast! benny got to mow the lawn with daddy and be a "big helper" with a big glove on and everything. i even got a nap this afternoon!
really, i'm so grateful to spencer and all his hard work. he really worked hard this year to do well and to balance school with our family - and church responsibilities (for the last while he's been the only gospel doctrine teacher in our ward).
we're now looking forward to a fun summer starting with a visit from grandma and grandpa (spencer's parents) tomorrow! then a baby coming in june, a trip to utah in july, and hopefully lots more fun stuff in between.

From the horse's mouth

Hi everybody. This is Spencer and I am pleased to announce that I am officially oriented as a medical student. All in all it was a pretty fun and informative week (August 11-16). I feel better prepared for class to start tomorrow, but I can't help but think they were just lulling us into a false sense of security before the flood gates open.

We started out orientation with a day at Camp Loughridge. I thought we were going to be doing summer camp type things like canoeing and singing Kumbaya around an open fire. Instead we took a personality test and discussed the different aspects of the test (like the differences between how introverts and extroverts think). It was fun to start to get to know people in my class. That night was a dinner sponsored by the Oklahoma Osteopathic Association of which I am now a member.

Tuesday was on campus where we were introduced to the faculty, got our lockers and ID badges.

Wednesday the professors who will be teaching the labs this semester (anatomy and histology) gave us a run-down of the class- this was kinda like the first day of class at BYU where usually you just get the syllabus and leave early. Then in the afternoon they talked to us about student well-being which was a lot of stress management, mental health and the trainer from the fitness center scared everybody. This is our trainer on campus.

Thursday morning was “Med School the Musical!” put on by a bunch of second years. It was a bunch of parody songs about studying, having no life, and everything else medical school. It was pretty entertaining and a nice break from the presentations up to that point. After a few more presentations from the second years, there was a big service project planned for the afternoon. The group I was with first went to an elementary school that the med school has kind of adopted. Some took height and weight measurements, and others cleaned up the playground. I was with a group that went to the kindergarten and read stories, played games, and did anything else the teachers wanted us to do to occupy the kids' time and energy. I read stories for an hour and a half to 3 of the boys in the class. You can tell that some of the kids come from unstable homes by the way they just couldn't get enough of the attention we were giving them (they told us that something like 80% of the school is on the federal lunch program). After school got out, we went to the food bank to sort cans. Last December, this food bank received millions of cans of food. These cans have been sitting on pallets since and most of them do not have labels on them. We all learned that you can still tell what in in the can if it does not have a label-there is a 3-letter code stamped on the cans identifying the contents. After we identified the contents, the food bank has their own labels that we would then put on the cans. It is a pretty monotonous and slow process, but I found it fascinating how this group of super-competitive med students dove right in, got organized and worked at this furious pace trying to see how many cans we could get through in the hour and a half we were there. I also got pretty good at spotting botulism and otherwise unusable cans.

Friday morning we toured the OSU Medical Center. We wont be there till 3rd and 4th year for rotations, but it was a nice change of scenery. It is a decent sized hospital and even though it is a pretty old building, it is still really nice.

Saturday was the White Coat Ceremony. This was a fairly short event where a few of the second year leaders said something, the president of the medical school spoke, then we all lined up and were called one at a time on stage to have our white coats put on us. It is kinda like a symbolic transition to the medical profession. It was nice, but still kinda felt like I was being lulled.

So that was my week. I feel very comfortable here and just know this is the right school for us. I am excited for the challenges ahead (that start tomorrow) and can't see myself doing anything else.

moving

this is going to be a very quick one - and without any pictures (i just finished feeding andy and it's barely 6a - it's time to go back to bed!).

as it's getting closer and closer to our move date (31 jul for spencer and 2 aug for the little boys and me), i've been thinking more and more about going to oklahoma. i've been excited to move for a very long time and i still am. i've described it as the feeling owen wilson had in "armageddon" right before take-off ("i'm 99% excited and 1% scared. or maybe it's 99% scared and 1% excited."). this is going to be one of the greatest adventures of our lives (for now). going to a place where we know almost nobody and making a life for ourselves.

one thing i've been thinking about in particular is my desire to go to oklahoma and live. i don't want to go and be a student. i've heard of a lot of different med school families coming back home whenever there is an opportunity. don't get me wrong, i think it's wonderful to go back to family, but i also think it's important to build your own life wherever you are.

this past week we had spencer's family's reunion. it was wonderful! we made sure to join in on a lot of the festivities because we knew it would be our last one for a long time. we've been wondering what next year is going to be like for us: when we're going to make our trip back and how long are we going to be back. we've been thinking of two to three weeks. i don't think i want to be back for as long as a month (maybe i'll think diferently this time next year). i want ok to be our home, and a month is a long time to be from home! i want us to get fairly established where we are living. i want benny to have friends that he loves to see regularly. i want us to be involved in our ward. i want us to enjoy the place that we will be calling home for the next four years (at least!). i don't want to be a family that's only there for school.

what do you think?

okay, i know i said no pictures, but i'm really excited that this is the place we're going to live! (i'll definitely post kitchen pictures later. you'll know why when you see it... be excited!)

med school update

well, here it is! last tuesday spencer got the call we have been waiting for. he has been accepted to oklahoma state's medical school. we are really excited to be heading to tulsa at the end of july.
the first thing we did was head to the tie store in the mall to get spencer an osu orange tie. it looked great on sunday! we're really excited that things are working out so well for us. we feel really blessed to have gotten into our first choice - how many can say that? i'm not sure why things seem to be going so much our way, but we're really excited to see what God has in store for us in tulsa, ok.
GO COWBOYS!

kirksville, mo, here we come (for now)!

well, since i'm sure there are so many who would like to hear our news, we'll finally share it. last friday spencer sent in his letter of intent to attend a.t. still university in kirksville, mo (he paid the non-refundable deposit on thursday). this school has seemed like a good option from the beginning. we were excited to hear about so many lds students and so many byu grads who end up in kirksville. one thing that i think is just wonderful is their student auxiliary association - basically a support system for wives and families. they even have date nights with babysitting provided!

we're still waiting to hear a final word from ok state in tulsa. spencer talked to the admissions secretary just today and heard that the next time they will go through names is during the second week of january. a lot of oklahoma has been covered in ice the past couple of weeks and i'm amazed to be able to say that i haven't been deterred from wanting to live there - even after hearing that our friends in tulsa were out of power for about a week!

osu is our first choice, but we're happy with a.t. still as well. we look forward to finding out for sure where we'll be, and we'll be sure to let everyone know. what's great is that we're at least heading somewhere.

spencer's adventures

well, i don't have any pictures yet, so those will have to come later. i just wanted to take a little bit of time to explain what spencer has been up to.

last week spencer had the opportunity to go to kansas city, mo and des moines, ia for med school interviews. he flew out tuesday and got back thursday night. tuesday he stayed with a couple of single lds students attending kcumb (kansas city university of medicine and biosciences). he had a great time. they went out to dinner with some lds neighbors (a couple - both attending kcumb) and had a great time. spencer really enjoyed his time in kansas city. the school itself is in a sketchy area of town, but luckily the police station is right across the street.
the interview went well. spencer answered some tough questions for which he wasn't completely prepared; nevertheless, things went pretty smoothly. unfortunately, there was not an opportunity during the interview to show the family picture he had brought - including the ultrasound photo of the new baby!

wednesday, right after the interview, spencer drove the rental car to des moines where he stayed overnight with a nice couple that has one kid (can't remember if it's a boy or girl). he got there early enough that he was able to go on campus and get a little acquainted with it.
spencer said that des moines is a great place and he can definitely see us there. there seems to be a great support system amongst the lds students. the school also seems to have a great attitude toward married students - something we'll need!
spencer felt this interview went really well. he was able to tell the story of finding, miraculously, the place in redlands, ca that was offering the mcat when we were going to be there anyway to watch bethany and nate's kids (it's an amazing story of how it all worked out). and he had a chance to pull out our family picture.

after the des moines interview, spencer had to hurry back to kansas city to catch his flight back home. with a stop in denver, he was scheduled to get back around 10:30p. however, upon arriving in denver, his flight was delayed - he wouldn't get back until after midnight. luckily there was another southwest counter close by with an earlier flight home that had been delayed. spencer was able to get on that flight with no extra fees because of the delay. it worked out quite well (other than a very uncomfortable seat) and he got home at about 8:30 that night.

coming up, spencer has interviews in erie, pa (home of the one-ders) for lecom (lake erie college of osteopathic medicine) and one in kirksville, mo for a.t. still (also osteopathic medicine). he's looking forward to both of those interviews. fortunately we have a place for him to stay in each place. i visited with a bishop's wife yesterday in erie who was very nice and said to plan on him staying at their home. they have 7 children and plenty of space. it turns out her husband is a graduate of an osteopathic school in michigan and is in the middle of his orthopedic surgery residency. that's great because spencer has thought about orthopedic surgery.
in kirksvile, spencer will be staying with some friends of dallin and season's who are out there for medical school.
everything is working out so well. we're so excited for these opportunities, and we're so excited for the outcome.

our exciting news for today is that spencer got a call from oklahoma state requesting an interview. he will be flying out to tulsa in november. for now, spencer says that ok state is his number one choice. who knows what will happen, but it's exciting to look forward to our future.

spencer

i haven't done much besides post pictures of benny. i want to steer away from that for a minute and take a minute to express my gratitude for my husband spencer. i am so grateful for what a good man he is and for how much he means to me. i'm grateful to have someone like him to care for and about me. he always gives me good advice (and i know that even when i'm not ready to admit that). he works so hard to support me in everything i do. he wants me to succeed in everything i want. he cares for our son and has such a good relationship with him. i'm so grateful that he is working to be a good role model for benny. what has been making me think about this lately is what has gone on with spencer's preparation for the mcat. spencer's getting ready to apply to medical schools and he took the mcat in april. we found out that he didn't do as well as he was hoping. he immediately began looking for a place he could take it as soon as possible. amazingly enough he found a place in redlands, ca for friday, 25 may. amazingly enough we were heading to fontana, ca to watch bethany and nate's kids (my sister and brother-in-law) for a week. fontana is only 30 minutes away from redlands. spencer was originally planning on flying out friday, but we were able to change his flight with no problem to mine.