On why I've stopped sharing birth stories

I once heard a woman telling her birth horror stories to a prospective mother who was only one week away from delivery.  I couldn't believe it!  Why would you tell a first-time mom, who is probably anxious enough about what's about to happen (I know I was), all the things that could go wrong - even if they are true?  How is that supposed to make anyone feel better?  Does the woman telling the story feel good that her (most likely glamorized) story makes her a better mother for surviving something that is not the norm?  Does the new mom feel that much more excited to know that she will be sharing the same fate (or one very nearly like it) in a matter of days?

These kinds of one-upping stories (or one-downing as I sometimes like to call them) don't serve any useful purpose.  There has been an epidemic of wanting to stand out to those around us for, probably, as long as people have been able to relate stories.  To be set apart by the things we have overcome.  To look important.

Most adult women have at least heard these conversations - if not been a part of them directly.  Honestly, they're not very pleasant.  They usually end with two women - maybe three - kind-of battling it out for the worst experience.  Sometimes it's not even their own, but someone they know well, which is just as good in this setting.  I've heard women talk about how their labor with an epidural was worse than delivering naturally because the epidural didn't "take" one bit and the process of getting the epidural was tantamount to murder.  MURDER!!  How can you compete with that?!  So, eventually, people stop competing.  And the topic changes.  To something like how bad your kids' school teachers are.  If you're lucky.

My question is: Why do we want to compete?

This whole process seems to me to bring about a disconnect to those with whom we are associating.  These conversations are not unifying.  Everyone leaves dissatisfied except the winner.  Who won because she experienced something (or knew someone who did) that is unimaginable.

Addiction Recovery Programs (ARPs) run by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are incredibly successful wherever they are held.  It's wonderful that there are so many of these out there to help those who are in need of them.  This may seem off-topic, but bear with me a minute.  I heard of someone who thought that these programs should be ended.  With the success of these programs, this statement is incredibly surprising.  One of the things that makes these programs so successful is that the people who attend discover that they are not alone.  There are other people who struggle as well.  When you realize that you are not the only one who has ever dealt with something that is harder than you could have imagined, you learn that there is a way to get through.  All hope is not lost.  The point this individual was making is that these types of meetings should be held every Sunday in Priesthood and Relief Society meetings throughout the world.  These weekly meetings held in church should be the support that everyone needs.  We are not alone in what we are experiencing.

Not too long ago I had a friend comment after something I wrote that she was glad to hear that she was not alone.  We all need that.  Very much.

Recently I had an amazing experience.  One I needed very badly.  I had been feeling very alone - that happens, sometimes, when Spencer's schedule is this busy.  There were hard times with the kids and I felt at one point like I had come to a breaking point.  I had been praying all day.  I do that sometimes.  Many times.  It helps.  At this point, though, I was praying for something I thought I needed.  Something to help me know that someone cared about me.  To know that I was not alone.  The answer I received was that I was not alone.  That I AM not alone.  Because my Savior is always with me.  He who sunk beneath all things is here for me to help me know that I can do what is required of me.  I was, again, amazed at the goodness of God.  I shouldn't be, I know, but I always am.  God is watching out for me.  I don't ever need to feel alone because I am not.

We all need to know that we are not alone.  We need to feel connection to each other and most importantly to our Savior.  Life is not a competition.  Life cannot be a competition.  If it were we would ALL come off losers.  I don't think you can lose better or worse than anyone else.  We are all trying to live.  Why not stop trying to one-down the previous story with our own?

The other day on a run I listened to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from the April 2012 General Conference.  He puts things so beautifully.  I would definitely recommend you take the time to read through it - or listen.  It has a few different messages in it and they are all beautiful.  I will share just a bit: "So lesson number one from the Lord’s vineyard: coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live."

And that is why I have stopped sharing birth stories.  I am trying to find a happier way to live.