Too long

Tonight I opened my cello case. Don't ask the last time I did that. I wouldn't be able to tell you with much accuracy the last time. Thankfully I can say I have opened it more than twice (definitely more than three time including tonight) since we have moved here. I was asked a couple of Sundays ago if I would play my cello along with a primary-aged girl playing the violin for a number in the primary program in September. I agreed, knowing that I should brush up a little bit before it came time to practice with the violinist because it's beneficial if the calluses aren't raw when playing in front of people.

On our way home from church today Benny asked why I don't play the cello any more. I don't know if he heard me talking to Spencer about playing or if it just popped into his head (it has done before). I asked if he'd like me to play it today and he said yes.

After story time tonight I remembered about that, so instead of singing to the kids tonight, I played (and sang just a little). When I opened the case, I let out the my first gasp. All of the strings were loose! (but thankfully the bridge was in place) I have never liked tuning, though, and with all the strings loose, this will take some doing. I get started - slowly - and my second gasp let out when my A string snapped. What a bummer. Thankfully I tuned the rest and was able to play all of the songs the kids wanted by going into higher positions. (Now I just have to buy a new A string - and probably a whole set of strings because I have no spares.)

It was fun to play again. Every time I play I want to more often; although I know it is not really my time or season for regular practice/playing. Tonight (and many other times) I have been incredibly grateful that so much of my cello ability comes naturally. I'm not great, but I can play. Honestly, through my whole life, I have never done all that much practicing of the cello. Sure I've had my ups and downs, but I have relied so much on my natural ability. Because of that I have never gotten much into music theory. There's a lot I know from learning to play the piano growing up, but there is a whole world out there I have barely touched. I remember sitting through a cello workshop when I was in high school by my cello teacher (I took lessons from a very talented woman who plays the cello for a living - as does her husband). There was so much I didn't know that very small (and young) cellists did. At the time I was quite self-conscious about it. I am somewhat amazed at how well I got by.

I decided to play the cello in 6th grade on a whim. I had originally decided on the violin because my mom owned one. We had just moved to a new area of town and we all attended new schools. The only girl I had really met my first day happened to be in my orchestra class. She played cello. There were so many students who had signed up for violin that I told the teacher I was going to switch to cello. In reality, I switched so I would have someone with whom I could talk. Quite lame, but typical "Junior High Faith." And there it began. I remember being told early on that I had a lot of natural ability. I kept hearing that as I grew up. I think it was because of that that I didn't practice much. I relied so much on my ability. That carried me through quite a bit. I did work harder when taking private lessons, but never as much as I could have. I remember, though, the last time I pulled my cello out here I played a piece for Spencer that I had played at a recital during high school. My response after playing: "I used to be good!"

Some months ago my mom told me about a study that had been done with children. Two different groups of children. Each group was given something to complete - a puzzle of some sort. After completion, one group was met with praise such as "You're so good at that!" Praise of natural ability. The other group was met with praise of their hard work. With the challenges that came following the first, the second group is the one that completed it faster and with more energy. The point was that they felt like they had accomplished something. They gained mastery over something difficult. The first group didn't worry about improving anything because why should they? They had the gift.

Since this conversation with my mom, I have changed the way I talk to our kids. I feel like our kids are very bright (most moms do, I imagine). I used to praise natural ability all the time. Now, I try to mention "work" somewhere in there: "Good work!" "You worked hard on that!" "That was a lot of work you just did!" etc. I really feel like it's making a difference in how the kids respond. I'm noticing much more in Benny and I'm grateful for that. Especially being in school now, I don't want him to be afraid of doing anything that takes more effort.

I didn't make the connection until just this evening that this has been the problem with my cello skills. I have always relied on my natural ability. The times that I have put forth the effort to practice and master certain pieces or passages, I have loved it. But I have let myself rely so much on the other as good enough. And now it is not my time or season to devote much of my life to playing the cello. Maybe some day I'll have a chance to take lessons again. For now, though, my goal is to take it out of the case more often. The kids enjoy it and so do I. And so does Spencer. And the more I use it the greater the chance for the strings to stay in place. And let me tell you, that may be enough motivation because I hate having a toothless cello.